Volunteer-when is it a bad thing?

Most people that I know, know that I will be donating my time (and essentially my money because I don’t have enough donations to cover it all) and going to Madagascar to be an Adult Ward Nurse on the Mercy Ships.

I’m a float nurse and I floated to a unit yesterday. Someone asked me about my mission coming early next year. Another nurse put in her two cents and said “well I’m concerned about who we have here? What about our Vets? What about our homelessness? And our sick?”

She stopped what she was saying and somewhat back peddled to rant about whether or not America should let Syrian Refugees in (if anyone is wondering, I think we should-there is a heavy duty process for this).

I looked at her and said “oh, and what have you done to help the Vets? or the homeless here?”

She gave me a blank stare. I continued “no, really-I’m just curious? I know a couple of year ago I donated Wednesday mornings and picked up day-old bakery goods from a local store and delivered them to the local soup kitchen? On top of that, I donated a number of grocery store gift cards for them to hand out to the people in need in the community”. So I’m just curious-for someone to be gunho on what’s going on in America-what have you done?

She didn’t answer and I went on my merry way. Point made.

It’s one thing to sit back and talk about what’s wrong with things here in America. It’s another to try to degrade what I’m doing (whatever good it is) to try to make your point when you, yourself are not doing anything about it.

Just like a couple months back. With the whole uproar over The View’s comments on the nurse and the stethoscope statement. Really? That’s what your putting your time and energy in? Berating and harassing females behind a desk? Why not use that time more wisely and change the ratios in America? Why not use that time more wisely and talk to the young people as to how important the nursing career is? And what good (and bad) that we witness every day?

I’m just not comprehending the human species right now. We want to point fingers and blame and/or hinder others for getting ahead or save, etc but not doing much in our own lives to make a difference?

Ben Carson compared Refugees like rapid dogs. Okay I’m not taking it to heart because he used stupid words to try to make an analogy but that analogy doesn’t work when you think about it.

If you look at human life as a whole-EVERY single form of humans have created destruction of another human life. I won’t talk about the middle east because I’m not all the familiar with it other than religion fights have been going on for CENTURIES.

We’ll do more current history. Take Christians. When white Europeans came over-yes their initial stance was to find comfort, safety, and a new life (just like many IMMIGRANTS). But when greed and dollar signs take over-what happens? White males killed, pushed, rounded up the Natives. So in Carson’s eyes-the settlers here in America are rapid dogs.

Europe- Hitler’s propaganda to round up Jews, gays, Gypsies, and the disabled and slaughter them….according to Carson-Germans are rapid dogs.

In Africa-Rich black folks sold off their own to send them to work as slaved in America. According to Carson-black folks in Africa are rapid dogs.

The list can go on and on. The same goes for that analogy if you like M&Ms and there is a bowl full and you know 10 are poisonous-would you stick your hand in there? REALLY? That’s a dumb analogy. In that saying-you can say white males who owns a gun are potentially poisonous because the majority of the mass killings/shootings in America has been brought on by who? White males who own guns.

I just wish people would think before not only speaking but also think before the share ill minded propaganda. Because that is what it is…propaganda. Definition for propaganda is-“information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view.”

If you wish to help support my mission trip or that of MERCY SHIPS. Please visit : HERE


Trouble Maker by Leah Remini



4 out of 5 stars

I was “excited” to read this book. Though perhaps excited is not the correct term. I have always been interested in “religions”. What? Why? How? As in what brought them to the religion? Why did they choose that religion over others? And how did the stay or leave?

Of course, Scientology always fascinated me because it was founded by a man who authored sci-fi books. As in fictional. Furthermore-science fiction. It boggles my mind that people are lead to believe this is the right way to go.

Not that I think it was either right nor wrong. I think if any religion or sect benefits you to be a healthier human (and healthy towards other humans), it’s a good thing. I also think all religions can lead you into being negative too. I think it’s a matter of how much you take from it.

You read about stories of Scientology. You read about how they want you to disassociate with people who have left the church or who have outright spoken badly about the church. In my view, I don’t think any religion is good if they want you to separate from your loved ones. I also think it’s astonishing that a facility/church/religion is allowed to send kids off, without their parents, and basically do slave labor in ill institutions.

Having said that-I have never been in one myself. So I can only go by what I’ve read from ex-member’s experience.

I expect a celebrity to do some name dropping and Remini doesn’t shy away from that. Because I expected it-I was okay with it. What I liked about Remini’s book is that she has nothing to lose but at the same time everything to lose speaking out “against” the church.

Nothing to lose because I think a lot of people are supporting her and I think some other big names have since left the church as well-though in a quieter manner. Everything to lose because she is in the world of Hollywood where people view Tom Cruise as a KING (why? I don’t get it, I never cared for his movies or moreso for him as an actor) and it appears that the world of Scientology views him as just that and perhaps this is why he likes that world? According to Remini-Cruise is not treated like other members of the church. Cruise is catered to. When Cruise entered Celeb Centre-everyone leaves. When Cruise is trying to have a date-Scientology caters to try to do everything they can to hook him up with another Scientology. Much like arranged marriage/dating. So says Remini.

Remini also makes mention of them trying to get her to recruit her friend Jennifer Lopez. Which is odd because in the book Remini mentions that Lopez’s father is a Scientologist. I would think that if J-Lo’s dad cannot get her into the religion-why/how could anyone else? Though I remember when Lisa Marie Presley married Michael Jackson-there were rumors that LMP was to try to recruit MJ into Scientology. Money follows money, afterall.

You also read about Scientologists makes like miserable if you speak out against the church. Which is and why I give Remini a lot of kudos and that to her husband, family, and friends for staying by her side.

Not to mention-Remini questioning the acts of Scientology. Asking their members to donate money for Katrina relief and when Remini question why she didn’t see any members going there and handing out water, etc-she was given the run around, etc. Then there is the head of the church who attends Cruise’s wedding NOT with his wife but with someone else. Which, I would agree, is weird because that’s a high profile wedding-why wouldn’t a higher up in the church, who is supposedly close to Cruise, bring his wife?!? I think she’s right to question the wife’s whereabouts.

Since Remini grew up in Scientology-you do have to wonder if she is/was more privilege to know more of the ongoings of Scientology than lets say the likes of Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley, Presley & Lisa Marie? All celeb status and thus probably did not witness the hole in the wall hotel that young teens and pre-teens had to clean and when the work was done could not sit by the pool and crap sum of money.

Along with the amount of money the average Joe shells out for the teachings and rankings of Scientology levels. Perhaps this is not what the every day celeb sees because they are probably scooted up in rankings without doing the dirty work. Just pay x millions of dollars and poof-like magic, you’re there-at the top.

I “understand” Remini’s mothers mission towards the church, Remini touches a tad bit on it in the book. Just before the release of this book, I did tweet Remini’s mother (due to the reality show “It’s All Relative” she’s accessible on Twitter—the show, by the way, is hilarious) and asked if she was going to write a memoir and her journey too? She, unfortunately, responded with a “no”. Writing about one’s life is not for everyone. I, personally, LOVE memoirs from others and would definitely like to read it. Perhaps in due time, Remini’s mom will reconsider.

Overall, I definitely give this a 4 out of 5 stars. I recommend it for anyone that enjoys a Hollywood story and/or likes to read about Scientology.


So we are into the month of November. Where at the end of the month we celebrate giving Thanks here in the USA. On social media on Nov 1st people start putting on their timelines Day 1: I’m thankful for…. and so on.

Well…my turn. I’ll say one thing that sums up everything. I’m thankful that I am a nurse. Why?

I make decent money that I can get by, have a roof over my head, etc. It also gives me a chance to see the country and travel (as a travel nurse). But I’m also thankful that I am able to witness people struggle with drug addiction (alcohol, crack, etc). It reminds me that it can happen to ANYONE, at any given time-for any given reason (though some are more prone to addiction than others).

3) I’m thankful that I am able to witness people (young and old) die. Die from disease, die from traumatic injuries. It reminds me and makes me thankful for today. Tomorrow is never promised to ANYONE.

4) I’m thankful for witnessing people try to conquer Cancer. Giving them good news or bad news and witnessing the support that my patients receive from staff, from their family, from their friends, from they church members (if they belong to a church). It makes me thankful for all the people in my life. Even when I tend to be anti-social, I know I can reach out to friends.

5) I’m thankful to witness people with mental illness. Be it in a depression episode. Be it in a manic episode where they cannot control the random, rapid thoughts that go thru their heads. I’ve work with people who laughed at those patients. I told my co-workers that it’s not funny. Can you just imagine being in their head and how crazy that must feel? So I’m thankful that I am able to see it and thankful that I am not dealing with it.

6) In two months, I have the opportunity to go overseas to Madagascar and donate my time, my skills to those that need it. I will spend two months volunteering. Two-three months of not being paid back here at home, etc…to lend my services. I am thankful that I have a job that allows me to give back. I am lucky. Blessed. And privileged.

7) Just general older patients. Seeing them get by and get around and I’m thankful that I have that possibility eventually. Though I predict that I probably won’t live past 50 or 60.

Yes…I’m thankful for my job because my job makes me realize that I’m thankful for EVERYTHING else in life!!

Continue to Rest In Peace Grandma

Tomorrow will mark 28 years since my grandmother’s passing. I was known as “grandma’s girl”. She was essentially my rock and stability growing up.

She had been sick for awhile before her passing. Diagnosed with Empyema and lung cancer. When we heard that she was in the hospital, we were about a 5 hour drive deep. My mother made us pack up (again) and leave. We did just that and made it back to live next to my grandparents.

At one point before she died, I went to visit her at the hospital. I wish I hadn’t. My last memory of her was laying in a hospital bed, on a vent. Not speaking or even looking at us.

The morning of October 29, 1987-my grandfather came over to our place early. About 5:30am. At this time, he knew we would be up getting ready for school. When he came in, you could tell that something was not right but, at the age of 9, I didn’t know what it could be.

He sat down in the chair. I came out to say “hi”. He looked at mom and said “she died in her sleep last night.” All I remember was that he got up and left. Not saying much after that.

I didn’t grasp what it all really meant. My grandmother was the first person in my life to die. Eventually I got it that she wasn’t coming back and in all honesty, at that time in my life, I wanted to go with her.

Speed Dating

I went speed dating last week with no real expectations. Just a evening out for something different and fun to do.

For those that have never done this or seen this (sometimes it’s shown on lengthy news shows- Today, GMA). You sign up on a website. Usually the website has it set up where you are able to choose your age. Some other speed dating events are set up if you’re hetero or homosexual. After all, if you’re a homosexual male-why would you want to attend an event that pairs you up with females? It makes sense.

You arrive at the establishment about 20-30 minutes early. This is a chance to get to mingle, grab a drink or appetizers.

When the event starts, we are usually given a number and the woman sit down. After 5, 6, or 8 minutes (I’ve done one of each event), the host rings a bell and there is a switch. Usually the men get up and rotate. Depending on how large the even it, there could be an intermission of sorts.

So last week, I attended my third one in three different states. I went with my age group (which is probably a hindrance for me, because everyone just assumes I’m younger than I am and I wonder if the men took me seriously). There were 10 “dates” (real names are not being used):

  1. Mike-not religious but spiritual. Interesting. He’s going away on vacation for a few weeks and is planning on meeting a world renowned meditation/spiritualist/miracle worker. I’m agnostic. I’m not religious. I am spiritual but I would not necessarily seek out someone. Overall I found him attractive, interesting. Probably not my type dating wise but I wanted to know more.
  2. Steven-travels but wasn’t able to tell me what he does. He immediately sat down and started talking about other events that had to circle around dating. I thought that was odd and I thought maybe he was friends with the host & was there to do advertising? I was not attracted to him.
  3. Greg-I left it blank…I suppose that should mean something
  4. Scott-Teacher, close with his kids. I liked the fact that he was close with his kids. That he spent a lot of time with his kids. To me that means a lot and says a lot. On first glance (ie 6 minutes) I was attracted to him.
  5. Dan- “not much”…clearly there wasn’t much that I remembered
  6. Mark- in the family entertainment business. I was not attracted to him and I felt he was a little cocky for his type.
  7. Stan- same area, came with friends. Nice. Attractive somewhat.
  8. Manuel- works in the public sector. Actually said “nurses have a good assessments and can figure people out within a short matter of time.” He kinda fished around for my thoughts on him.
  9. Jack- collects arcade games. Interesting even if it’s just to play Pac Man, back in the day, style. I think he was surprised that I knew about the cocktail setups. ūüôā
  10. Derrek- works for government. No real connection there.

After the speed dating, I went to the bar because I knew they were having trivia. I sat down at the bar and ordered a appetizer and a drink. A guy, very handsome, was eating as well and was playing the trivia. They were handing out sheets for photo stills of an actor in movies. I asked the gentleman if I could see the photos. CRAP-it was Brad Pitt. I’m not much of a Brad Pitt fan but recognized a few. The guy was nice. Dark hair, office geek type with a suit but no tie. It was causal conversation. He only popped in for food & a drink because he was finished with a meeting at a local hotel. He has a girlfriend. But it took me out of my comfort zone, striking up a conversation with a man.

All in all, it was fun. I would do it for a 4th time. You never know who or when you’ll meet someone.

Did You Know…Bullying

Did you know that October is National Bully Prevention Month (among other things)? I did not know that until the other day when I was on facebook. A group that I am in tends to do “Today is….”

In particular, according to STOMP Out Bullying,:

  • October 5th-Blue Shirt Day
  • Week of October 12th-Make friends with someone you don’t know
  • Week of October 19th- Stand up for others
  • Week of October 26th- information on how students can participate.

Although I think it’s very important to discuss bullying (being a victim myself)-I also think it’s important that awareness occurs EVERY day of EVERY month. I also think it’s important to extend this to not just students or youth.

Every day, someone-somewhere is a victim of bullying. Either by verbal, physical, or emotional abuse. Targeted for any reasons…you’re black, you’re white, you’re skinny, you’re fat-honestly there¬†is no bounds for not being bullied. It is also targeted to any age, gender, or personality. I mean look at facebook and twitter. People randomly want to spewout hatful things to people that they do not know. Recently.. the basketball player Odom. I was on twitter the other night and people on gossip, even Kardashian and the like-random people would make jokes, poke fun, and ridicule someone. Someone that they do not really know. Either be it directly or indirectly say hurtful things. I read someone post “Well, that should make people realize that you shouldn’t make connections with the Kardashian.”

Ummm-what? Now I’m no fan of the Kardashian. I really only see their likeness on news clips but this is implying that the Kardashian helped Odom spiral. Don’t you think that’s hurtful to the Kardashian family?

Here you have someone who is fighting for their life because of the actions of THEMSELVES and their ADDICTIONS and placing blame on the person and/or any and all connections that they had in their lifetime. As a nurse, I know addictions are a very serious ordeal. It’s a disease, like cancer. Some people still do not get this and even some do and still get their kicks from essentially bullying Odom, Kardashians, the Brothel, basketball, his family.

I just think “if this was you, how would you like to read this about yourself? about your loved ones?”

And does them being “celebrities”-does that make them open season to target? No, I don’t think so. This goes to the woman who sued “her nephew”. The mentally¬†handicapped person who is being laughed at on a youtube video. The list can go on.

I was bullied in my day an age. It is NOT okay. There have been a few times where it was significant…the time when I was physically assaulted on the bus-I went to class that day and eventually was suspended based on my behavior later in the day. I’m not sure I would have had the behavior/attitude if I wasn’t assaulted on the bus.

Or the time I was physically abused in 7th period English class WHILE the teacher was in the room-she did nothing, then proceeded to make an excuse for him.

This brings me to a problem that we have in society. We excuse or ignore the behavior of the bully. The other day, on the local radio, a wife wanted the husband to bring the girls to school because there are issues on the bus. The wife wants this because she doesn’t want her kids to endure senseless words. The husband thinks they should ride the bus and just deal with it.

Neither of this address the root of the problem…the bully. Let’s just ignore. Let’s just work around it. How does this solve the problem? of bullying? There is no consequences put down to the bully. The girls shouldn’t stop riding the bus…the bully should be suspended or expelled from the bus. The bully should be held accountable.

The situation in the 7th period English class-after the physical abuse endured by my bully. I eventually stopped crying, got up, flipped my desk over, stormed out, and before slamming the door-I looked at everyone (including the teacher) and said “Fuck you all”. I didn’t bother going to the office because like the parents mentioned above-nothing would have happened to the bully. Instead I went and sat at the end of the hall. The teacher followed me out, sat next to me and said “David has had a rough life…”

I stopped listening. I understand she was trying to put his behavior in prospective but it is essentially not only excusing his behavior but excusing her neglect to. What about his rough life? What about MY rough life? My mother was self medicated alcoholic, who moved us around a lot, who eventually married my step father. Who was also a self medicated alcohol who choked my mother which lead us to stay at the local Woman’s & Children’s shelter for a few months. Just to be woken up at 2:30 am, pack a bag and run to catch a greyhound to my step-father’s reservation in the next state. My step-father had 4 boys. One was inappropriate with my sister. Another son sexually assaulted me when I was 7 (he was about 17/18). All this happened before my 7th grade English class. So yes…tell me again how much of a rough life David has had?!?

So because of my rough life-that should give me a ticket to treat others like crap? NO. Stop excusing and giving them a free ride to do what they want. Not only does it hurt the victim, but it hurts them!

I eventually dropped out of high school, eventually got my GED, eventually moved 1300 miles without a job and perm place to live, eventually went to college and graduated as a nurse. I’m not sure where David went after middle school. I know at one point he was in jail/prison. Am I, was I happy about that? NOPE, not at all. Seeing other people happy about that? NO. Seeing other people suffer is not my goal in life-even if it’s my bully. I want them to get HELP. I want them to make themselves a better person.

Bottom line-STOMP out the bullying by not excusing the behavior!

Dating…More Like Speed Dating

I decided to sign up for speed dating again. It will be this coming Tuesday. This will be my 3rd event in two different parts of the country. I’m always nervous.

I keep going back/forth about whether or not I should go and why am I going?

I have been single for awhile. I dated a few years back but it was nothing special. I think it was nothing special because it’s difficult for my to get close to people. I am attracted to guys but I have never been outgoing to approach. It probably has a lot to do with my history in general. I was always an outsider. I was always teased as a child. The list goes on.

Not to mention, I have not seen the healthiest examples of loving relationships. My mother was married & divorced 3 times. My grandparent’s relationship was not all that well off either. Nor was my sister’s relationships. Thus it has put me off in a negative way.

I am also very independent due to the above situations. I do not want to have to answer to someone. I carry my own weight. I do not need someone to contact my every hour, every afternoon, nor every day.

I question if there is something wrong with me? I question if I am normal?

I suppose given my history, I probably am. But I often think about my friends and their relationships. Whether or not they are in them, want them, are happy with them. And, of course, them asking if I am dating, when I am dating, if I am interested in anyone.

Then I think of the future. Yes I have my sister and four nephews, though I am not close with them. Yes I have my best friend and her family, who are more like family than my own. I think about the future. If I were to get old and sick, who would and could I rely on? Who do I really have?

I go back and forth. I’m content being solo.

Maybe it’s fear of being rejected? Fear of being judged? Fear of being vulnerable.

I don’t know…

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